Housing around the University of Jordan ساكن قرم الجامعة الأردنية

I have had the pleasure (or perhaps burden) of changing housing multiple times in the last six months while in Jordan.  When I first came to Jordan, I had the intentions to stay with a Jordanian family.  Within two weeks of being in Jordan I was told that it was "culturally inappropriate" for me to be with this family so I was asked to leave.  Unfortunately, it was too late for me to be able to find any roommates that were studying at the University of Jordan such as myself, so I had to wait until the end of the semester to find roommates.  This meant that I had to buy a place on my own and carry the burden of paying for it completely alone and settling with the over priced "left over" apartments that weren't already rented by the students who were already settled in the area.

I was asked to pay 200JD a month for food and utilities and to help the children learn English with my host family.

I quickly moved into a all girls hostel that was located closer to the University of Jordan.  When I moved in a was shocked.  Being an American, our standards of housing just did not quite compute the expectations that I found here.  I found myself saying, "This is good, for Jordan."  I always tried to keep in mind, this is considered a developing country and there are reasons for that.

At the hostel I paid 240JD per month for a studio.

Roughly two weeks after I moved into the hostel, I simply couldn't keep the eleven o'clock curfew (because I was new to the country and I wanted to explore and because in my room, I was completely alone) so I found another place to stay.  I called a number that led me to an apartment searching company that charged me 10JD to take me around to look at these horrible apartments until eventually I was forced to settle paying much more than I was able to pay.  If you are a foreigner looking for an apartment, I advise you to try to take a local with you.  They are much less incline to cheat you and it makes the process a lot smoother.  

The one-bedroom with kitchen/living room was 250JD per month. 

I lived in that apartment for a couple of months until they extended to increase my rent up to 300JD so I moved into an other apartment that was quite unsatisfactory but cheaper.  I told myself that it was only for a month until the end of the semester ended so I could look for something closer and better.  It turned out that the apartment that I was living in was actually originally part of the apartment next door that was cut into two separate apartments.  I had no way to cook food and the provided mini refrigerator smelt so bad I refused to use it.  Several pieces of furniture were broken in the apartment.  If I wanted hot water, I asked my neighbor to turn on the  heater for me to take a shower.

This whole in the wall bedroom was 170JD per month.

During one of the biggest snowstorms in Amman, my rent was up and I was told that I needed to leave.  The land lord said that I could stay in the apartment if I paid 100JD per week, or if I paid 25JD per day.  Thankfully, I was able to move get a taxi and moved my stuff to a friends how.  I was able to piece together a place to stay until the week I was out of an apartment.  Really, that snow storm was one of the hardest times in my life.  Perhaps later I will feel more comfortable speaking about it in detail.  Thank you everyone for being there for me!

Staying with American friends...0JD--only worlds of appreciation.

I then went house hunting again.  Really a drooling task in this part of town.   I have heard in other parts it's different, but here around the University of Jordan, they require quick decisions.  You have to decide if you want the apartment within a couple of days (and sometimes only hours) or else you will miss out on it.  You must have all the money upfront or you can't get the apartment.  You should expect to have to pay at least 50JD deposit and at least 5-25JD to the guard of the building (plus the rent and bills) up front.  As you could imagine, my housing controlled my pay checks for the past six-unstable months.  Thankfully I found 2 other wonderful roommates and an wonderful apartment near the University of Jordan that the three of us could share comfortably.  We all have our own rooms and we have internet 24/7.

Sharing an apartment with others is around 150JD each plus around 12JD for everything else.

Now I want to share some expectations that I feel one should have when they go apartment searching here.  

What to expect from furnished apartments from around this area:

• No central heater or cooling (unless you like to pay way to much money)
• No dryer
• Only semi-automatic washer machines (if you get a fully automatic one you're blessed!)
• No shower curtain
• No electric plugs in the bathroom
• Light switches will be outside of the bathroom
• There will be a dubai next to every toilet or a sprayer
• A limited monthly allowance of water
• Only gas stoves that are connected to a propane tank
• There will be a TV with over 400 channels (for free)
• The apartment will not be cleaned before you move in
• There will only be limited dishes provided
• Your apartment will come with an ashtray 
• One if not many of your rooms might be painted pink (it's so popular for some reason)
• Most likely your furniture will not match
• Most beds are twin size or they push two twin size mattresses together to get a "queen" size
• There is not fire escape plan
• There is no insolation in the walls (so super cold or super hot)

Where the Old Meets the New: Marriages Engagement

In Jordan you will find yourself at a cross bridge in cultures.  Cultures from all over Asia and Europe can be found here.  I know so many stories of "My mother is American/Greek/Russian and my father is Jordanian" or "My mother is Jordanian and my father is Palestinian/Saudi/Kuwaiti."  There is a huge mix of nationalities and so many different styles of life here.  Some people sit at a table and eat dinner from their own plates, others all sit around a coffee table and eat from one big plate or individual plates, yet others sit on the floor and eat with their hands.  It changes drastically from the people who live in the city as to people how who live in the small towns or villages.  You take an hour ride outside of the city and you hear completely different ways of speaking.  You see new ways of dress.  On the streets of Jordan you see people dressed like they just came from America to those who wear traditional dresses and head coverings that have been worn for thousands of years.  Usually, from the people that I know, the older people are the ones that choose to be more traditional and the younger ones are the ones who choose to have a more contemporary lifestyle.  I have heard stories of people who lived contemporary lifestyles when they were young, but at a certain point, they changed their life styles and became traditionalist--from the stories that I heard, the determining factor is the age of marriage.  Marriage is where tradition and modernity meet and often clash.

Contraer to what parents in Jordan like to think, the majority of young people here have or have had some type of romantic relationship.  Although, unlike American culture, there relationships have been highly confided to meeting at the university and by calling them at night or messages on Facebook and  on the phone.  Many youth will save their boy/girlfriends number in their phone as a different name just in case their parents over see it.  While they are at the university they spend as much time as they can talking to each other and enjoying a meal or snack under the trees while sitting on the street curb.  There are places on campus where you can expect at any give time to see at least three couples relaxing.

A quick note--in public schools in Jordan, the two genders are completely separated.  You do not see someone who is your own age besides your relatives until you go to the university--unless you attend private schools.  The university is usually where most students experience their first co-ed classroom setting and it is there where relationships really start to flourish.  Here, the genders go to a great extent to separate each other and parents go to even greater extents.  Although there are only a few laws that really separate everyone, the culture creates these rules.  For example, it is not illegal for a man and a women to live together if they are unwed, but, if a family says that the man kidnapped their daughter, the girl will be forces to return to her family by the officials.  Before that though, many landlords will not rent out apartments to unwed Jordanian couples just to protect against these occasions or because of their own ethics.

Most relationships that I see here are comparable to relations in middle school from the US.  Feelings get easily hurt if you do not call or text every day.  They talk on the phone for hours each night after their parents have gone to bed.  Most interaction is done in secret.  Some girls will even take off their vail and show their hair to their boyfriend while on Skype leaving the parents to think that she's only on Facebook or on the internet browsing.   Overall, relationships are overly exaggerated--but to the couple, this is how you show true appreciation for the other person.  They are your "love," your "life," your "pet" at least for the time that you are in that relationship.  Unfortunately, as most middle school relationships, they come to a close after a few months or perhaps up to a year and the couple is left with all types of emotions.  As one of my friend said, because so many relationships are done only cyberly, no one really grows to know the other person and they usually end in disappointment.  Unlike America, people often grow very-very attached to their relationship and it often leads people to obsession.  I know a friend who has a boy constantly calling her or messaging her even though they broke up months ago.  Of course not every person takes part in dating here.  I know guys who feel like it's disrespectful to his sisters and parents if he goes again traditions and participates in dating.   Now, on to the engagement period.

The typical story for a 20 year old girl in Jordan is as such:  "I want to graduate from my university and get married.  Once I get married, I will have children and I will teach them how to be good people and then I will be proud of them and proud of my self."  When a girl goes to the university, she is focused on her studies, but once she graduates, she simply sits around and waits to get married.  Often parents do not support their daughters to get graduate degrees.  That's something that their husbands should support.  Once girls graduate, they either sit around waiting for a suitable husband to come purpose to them or they search for work.  Work is hard to find here-espeically for young women.  They usually only find work as a secretary or receptionist.  Even then, because of the unemployment rates in youth, it's even harder.  Most girls are just sitting at home waiting for their husband to come to 'set them free.'  Girls are given around 10 years to get married.  If she does not marry before she is 30, she can be thought of as unsuitable for marriage and may never get married.

Men, on the other hand, commonly get married around 27-29 years of age.  There is traditionally a 5 year gap between a husband and his wife.  Men usually have to wait to get married in order to save up money and to allow themselves to become more established.  Marriages cost huge amounts of money here in Jordan.  Depending on the family, they will require the man to pay large amounts of money for the wedding and towards the bride.  I've heard stories where the brides family wants at least 10,000 JD for the furniture, 5,000 for gold for the bride, and he must own a car and an apartment.  Now, a fresh graduate out of college will not be able to cover these cost, so typically, the father of the groom will help support the groom in his marriage while leaving certain cost up to the groom himself.

From what I've heard, there is an even larger expectation in the Christian community then there is in the Muslim community.  According to Islam, a Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian women, but a Muslim women is not allowed to marry a Christian man.  It is partially because the offstring of the marriage should be Muslim.  No Muslim family will permit their daughters to marry a Christian, and in comparision, it is highly taboo that a Christian family would permit their daughters to marry a Muslim.  The two groups are greatly divided in this aspect.  This creates great generational religious divides.  People from this region are typically able to tell your faith according to your last name because families are known for being either Christian or Muslim.

Traditionally, if a man is ready to get married, he will send his mother out to find eligible candidates and they will go around meeting the different girls.  Now, it has become more common for a man to ask his parents to purpose to a girl that he met at the university or through friends, but the traditional way is still in practice.  The hard part about the new age of meeting someone before you marry creates problems if her family rejects his proposal to marry her.  I know of a couple who had been together for 7 years but when he purposed to her father, her father refused because of his finances and because of his ethnicity--he is originally Palestinian and not Jordanian.  The girl ultimately gives the final "yes" or "no," but no girl would disrespect her father or mother by going against their opinion.  This would cause great disrespect towards the girl and towards the family. It might even prevent the girl from ever getting married.

Continuing with the tradition, they are given 3 meetings to decide if they want to get engaged.  Then they usually have a year or so before the wedding to make preparations and for the couple to really get use to each other.  According to Islam, at this time, the couple is technically married so he is allowed to see her without her vail, but they do not consummate the marriage nor live together until after the cultural celebration.

Do to my own age, many of my girlfriends are at that point were they are eligible to get married.  One of my friends disclosed to me that she was getting purposed to.  I asked her to explain to me how she felt about the situation.  She said that it was all just overwhelming.  She had been sitting at home for a long time so she wanted to get married, but the idea of getting married to someone that she had never met was very frightening.  Anyone can put on a front that he is a good guy until you get married.  Although there are marriage contracts where the girl can require anything out of the husband, she doesn't want to scare the guy away by demanding to much.  If she turns too many guys down then she is thought to be unsatisfiable and her parents might start to think that she has outside relations which gave her such high expectations--therefore, she is a bad girl.  Some parents might even make their daughters marry just to get them out of the house and to get them out from under their financial care.  Thankfully, that is only in the extreme cases.  But sadly, many girls are forced to marry someone that they do not love because the guy that they loved while they were dating was not allowed to marry her.  It creates so many different clashes between the new-modern mind of love and romance, and the traditional ideal of commitment.

While discussing this matter with an American friend, we said that these traditions can't be completely devastating to all.  It has to work for some or else they wouldn't still do it.  I had the pleasure of meeting a girl who is in her final year at the university and who is currently engaged, expecting to get married this June.  I asked her how she felt about it and she said that she was very excited.  "This time is boring waiting to get married.  I'm excited to get married and to be able to live with my love."  They have been engaged for nearly a year now and everyday they talk on the phone and chat through messages.  Most people tell me here that in the traditional way of engagement, love will fallow.  They think first and then feel second.  First, they think about what they want and what they really need, then after time, they will learn to love each other.  There is no lack of commitment in this style of engagement.  Unlike American relationships that break up and leave unending amounts of pain and problems in couples, these relationships are only begun under the contract of commitment.  They do not allow for broken hearts--only assurance.  Of course as in American engagements, here in Jordan, engagements often break up if the couple realizes that they can't ever work well together, but typically the boys that are more patient and caring are those who choose the traditional marriage style here.  Time has a way of working things out in a person's life where they become better suited for marriage.

For all my girlfriends here, I just pray that the perfect guy comes along and redeems her from the life in the home and helps her achieve her own dreams that she has in her life.  

Finding Balance

    One of my friend reminded me that I need to update my blog.  Usually I like to write about something that I've been thinking about lately but it seems that I just haven't taken the time to actually sit down and write, or I'm really distracted that I can really sit down and write down all the thoughts I have had.  I Skyped my mother a week ago and she was so upset at me because somehow, I hadn't really talked to her since before Christmas.  This last month has just been so crazy and I know for sure that I have picked up the Arab sense of time even more than what I had before.  Although there are still the same amount of hours in a day, there are less hours of sunlight because of the winter and it's really cold due to poorly insulated housing.  I started to take online classes through OU this semester and I was shocked at the differences in pace that I use to work at in the States as compared to now.

My last visit home before coming to Jordan

  That aside, the time of balance that I want to discuss isn't a matter of time or calling home, but rather a behavior balance when it comes to culture.  I have felt like I was stuck somewhere between worlds for almost two years now.  I have had a passion for the Middle Eastern culture and have made many Middle Eastern friends, but at the same time, I'm fully American with no Arab blood.  My family has little to no Arab influence besides the news channel and myself.  Therefore, whenever I'm home, I'm expected to act as an American, but when I'm with my friends at the University, I'm a mixture of American and Arab influences.  It was only once I went a broad that I could really understand what it meant to be American but I know from being here that that is my foundation.  I'm not of Arab decent so any amount of culture that I have absorbed of Middle Eastern culture has all been acquired through learning.

Mariam (Iraqi) at Galveston, TX

  In America my friends were largely Middle Eastern but one of the first things I realized was that they are Americanize Middle Easterners.  (I say Middle Eastern instead of Arab because Arab is really an ethnicity that derives primarily from the Arabian peninsula but it is not that only ethnicity that is represented here.)  That means that although they appreciate and respect their own culture, they have also opened up to allow the American culture to be evident in their lives.  One of my dear friends from Iraq once had someone say that she was "the most American Arab" that they have ever met.  Because of their Americanization, I feel that many of the things that I did which would not be accepted here in the Middle East were perfectly fine being surrounded by my Middle Eastern friends.  We were in my culture and we were just influenced by both cultures.

Now, I'm no longer in my culture and I'm expected to obeyed by the culture and traditions here, no matter who silly they might seem to me.  My struggle has been where do I draw the line?  I'm American and I will always be American.  I cannot give everything that I am to completely adopt a new culture, nor should I have to, yet, I'm still here and I need to be able to be accepted here.  Before I came here this past summer, I spent a month or two making a video to introducing the Americans at my university to Saudi culture.  I completely loved it.  It combined two of my top passions, building bridges between the Middle East and America, and media.  I concluded the video with some quotes from two of the international students at OU.  They said, "When we came to the US, we took the better of the two cultures...Overall we would be the same...but it definitely gave us another perspective...Every experience that you go through is hard in the beginning but in the end you get stronger."

Ronia-American Arab at Petra

  All of my friends ask me how Jordan is and I always answer with the same reply, "There is good and bad."  At first, of course all I could see was the bad.  One of my American friends and I would always talk about the parts of Jordan that we hated most.  She decided to go home this past holiday session and as she went back to the States, I asked her to tell me what about Jordan she missed once she was back.  A couple of weeks after she went home she told me that the one that she missed the most was simply the people.  It made me think that although there is so much about the culture that I hate, there is so much here that I love.  So much culture that is here I cannot get back in the States, or if I do, it's very limited.  I have a heart for this area of the world and the whole time that I'm in the States I'm just thinking of this region, praying about it and wondering what I can do to make a difference.  That in itself is one of the best parts of actually being here.  Then of course, there are the cute children, the delicious sweets, great Arab food, the relax sense of time, and much more.

Rojeh showing off Im Qis

  The bad on the other hand is what I struggle with.  I was talking to another friend last night and I was explaining to him exactly what the good and the bad where and he just told me, "Tasha, I told you that it would be hard for you being a girl in the Middle East."  From my observations, it is so much better being a western boy coming to this area.  Boys are free to do whatever they want.  Many native boys have their own area of the house.  They can go anywhere and do anything anytime they want.  Their parents don't regulate their lives (accept marriage) as much.  Their parents give them money until they graduate college or get married.  Boys are the pride of the family.  They want their sons to be successful so that they can say, "Look what my son did."  Parents call themselves "Abu Mohammad," "Umm Mahmood," meaning "Father of Mohammad," and "Mother of Mahmood."  Therefore whenever a boy comes the Middle East, guys see him as cool and foreign.  Everyone wants to be his friend, take you out and show you everything.  Guys make friends so easily here.  They can meet anyone and enjoy their time.  Girls on the other hand are completely different.

  While a boy is the family's pride, a girl is the family's honor.  Honor is not flaunted like pride, it's preserved.  Girls are very protected here.  They are limited to keep the honor of the girl from being tainted.  When I first got here I had an American who I had never met come up to me as we were visiting friends and started explaining to me the different ideas that people here have of western girls.  She told me a story of one day she was walking with one of her friends and found chap stick in her pocket so she decided to put it on.  Her friend immediately stopped her and scolded her.  Her friend said that putting on chap stick was like telling all the guys on the street that she wanted to have sex and that she was a whore.  This American women went on to tell me that a women's honor here can only go down.  She is born perfect but through her actions her honor is tainted and diminished and it can never go up.  Being a western women, the expectations that are broadcasted through western media creates an even lower view of western women to begin with.  So many people here are completely shocked that I don't sleep around or that I have morals that they often simply reject the idea.  "I'm western, of course I do those things."   Arab men will come up to western women and make friends with them just in order to get something out of them.  So often I watch an outspoken western girl just talking about whatever and there is a group of eastern boys all staring at her and I can tell that they don't really care about what she is talking about, but they are thinking about other things.   I walk down the street and I get so many car honks and stares.

  Really, I feel like these thoughts and expectations have hindered my personality.  I love to dance and sing but here, if a girl dances in public she is a whore.  I went shopping with one of my friends at the mall and there was a fun song on in the elevator and I started to bob my shoulder and my friend said, "What are you doing!!!  You can't do that here Tasha!"  I love to sing randomly until my boyfriend told me a story about how a Jordanian girl was singing in his college of theatre arts and a man walked in and called her a whore just because she was singing.  I can't be sweet to people because that is a sign of weakness that they will either think things of me or they will try to take advantage of me financially.  Girls here walk around with pointed eyebrows just to look serious.

  Besides the expectations that are on me, it is also very hard to have friends here.  I don't want to be friends with boys because of what they already expected out of me, but girls are hard to come by.  Because a girl is the family's honor, she is expected to be home by 5 or 6pm even in the winter.  She only goes out at night with her family.  She is not allowed to be out with people that her family does not know.  She is not allowed to go out alone without a male chaperone.  Keep in mind that these are not laws laid down by the government, but cultural expectations.  Whenever I meet a girl that I would like to become friends with, she tells  me that we could only meet in the day time whenever she is at the university.  She cannot hang out with me in the evenings or on the weekends.  This has made it extremely hard for me to make friends.

Jaresh, Jordan

  At first I thought that I would just have to live up to all the cultural expectations placed on me to be a good girl.  In American, most people have not doubts that I'm a good girl.  They're usually surprised that I love heavy music.  Here, I'm western so they already have that wrong view.  I have tried to limit myself like any good Middle Eastern girl would do here.  I never wear any shirts that don't go down to my elbows, I wear scarfs to cover my chest.  I have not worn shorts even in the house.  I never smile while walking down the street.  I sit in the back of taxis without making a sound.  I ignore my favorite songs whenever they come on the radio.   I only talk to boys if they address me first.  I don't put out my hand to shake hands with a boy unless they do first.  I always sit up straight on buses and never look around.  I only sit next to women on buses, never boys.  I do all of these things just to prevent people from thinking things of me.  It has become a huge burden on me and honestly, I feel like a large part of my spirit has left me by doing these things, which hurts me.

  I know that regardless of all of these things, I want to be here and that I want to still work in the Middle East.  I still want to work on building bridges between this world and my western world.  I want to develop understanding and trust between the two, but if I am to do that, I cannot kill myself inwardly to just fit this mold that is laid out of me.  I know that I need to find a balance where I can still be American and enjoy life, yet at the same time be comfortable here in the Middle East.  It is my fun and loving spirit that reaches so many people for the better.  By having a sour face I will never be able to reach anyone, I will simply be one of the many.  I wondered a month a go if I could simply accept that some people will think of me as a whore.  They label nearly all open girls that way so really should it be a concern of mine?  People think silly things of me back at home through misunderstanding, but I have never allowed that to hinder me before, nor should I allow it to hinder me know.  I know that my spirit can't reach everyone, but perhaps I should allow it to show well enough to reach those who will be reaches.  "He who has an ear, let him hear..." Rev. 2:29

American Eagle in Taj Mall, Abdoun 

  At the same time, I have seen American women who come here and completely close off to the culture here. They never learn Arabic, they only shop at American stores and they only spend time at American places. They work for whatever reason that they are here and some even count the days until they get to return home. This is, in my opinion, is not the best attitude either. I believe that there needs to be some kind of balance. I need to be able to preserve myself and my spirit, yet at the same time, connect with the people here so I can learn from them. If I really plan to build any bridges, I have to be able to reach both sides. "A bridge is never build from just one side." This balancing act as most is a work in progress but what has been weighing on me the most lately. I pray that once I finish this year I will be able a stronger person who feels comfortable in both worlds. Perhaps then maybe I can start to build those connections between the two worlds.

Christmas in Jordan عيد الميلاد في ألأردن

Those of you who read my last post know that approaching the Christmas season in Jordan was especially hard for me as it is for all people who are away from their families.  All the Americans that I knew here who are Christians returned to the States to be with their families, but going home wasn't an option for me.  So many times going up to Christmas I had dreams of going home for the holidays then wondering how I was suppose to get back to Jordan.  But as I told so many of the closest people in my life, I know that being here is only the beginning for me.

This Christmas I basically only had my boyfriend, Rojeh, to celebrate with.  He is a Jordanian Christian but although his family has always put a Christmas tree, they never really celebrated like he grew up watching on TV.  I decided to try to make it the best Christmas for his sack as well as for my own.  

Here in Jordan, the only place that you can tell it's Christmas is in the international stores in the malls which send decorations to their Jordanian branches.  The university did give usa day off of school, but only one, and I have a test on Sunday so Christmas celebration was pushed back into the back of my mind.  Most of our friends who are still here in Jordan are either Muslims who don't really celebrate Christmas or foreigners who celebrated with their visiting family or with their close group of friends.  

Amman International Church

We went to a Christmas Concert in one of the 5 star motels in Jordan the Thursday before Christmas.  It was put on by the music academy Blue Birds which is owned by foreign Christians.  All of the performances were by a collection of foreign Christians.  It was the second concert of their that we had attended and honestly, their concerts always remind me of home.  They have such a loving spirit about them, but they always have the freedom in music which allows you to dance, sing, and have fun--something that I have missed the most when it comes to culture.  Then on Christmas Eve, we attended the Amman International Church's Christmas Eve service.  This church is composed of English speaking foreigners from all over the world who are living in Amman.  It meets in the Baptist School here in Amman and brings the central US church right here to Jordan.  This service was especially full.  It was such a blessing to see that I wasn't the only one celebrating Christmas in a foreign Islamic country.  We sang all the traditional Christmas songs and had a message about being like the shepherds that answered the call of the angels to visit the Christ Lord Jesus in Bethlehem that night.

After service, Rojeh and I went to the Christian town of Fuheis (الفحيص) which is located just outside of Amman.  Once we got to Fuheis, I could feel a completely different spirit.  We got off of the bus at the main circle in Fuheis and I saw people ringing bells and celebrating the Christmas spirit.  Instead of the Muslim call to prayer, there was the churches' bells and prayers filling the air.  There were people dressed up in Santa suites, as well as other costumes.  Even children were dressed up in Christmas costumes as they walked the streets with their parents.  Whenever they got to Santa Clause,  they took pictures and walked on merrily as the children has a hug smile on their face.  Santas were ringing bells, hanging out of the car door as the driver drove down the road honking his horn.    So many of the stores were covered with Christmas spirit and many of them even had nothing but Christmas decorations inside of them.  As we looked over the city, we could see multiple homes covered with decorative lights.  All of the traffic circles were covered with decorations--trees, tensile, lights, and even pictures of the candidates for the 2013 elections.  

One of the circles just up the hill from the church (cops to the left and St. George on the top)

The moment I got off of the bus, the first thing I noticed was the large amount of police officers everywhere.  Before we came, we heard rumors of all the troubles in Fuheis.  Traditionally, they put up a huge Christmas tree at the main circle where we got dropped off.  This year, there was only a statue outlined with Christmas lights that said Fuheis in Arabic.  The city didn't put up the Christmas Tree this year because of all the problems with the Muslims coming to Fuheis.  Because it is a largely Christian town, there is many more alcoholic stories then their are in Amman.  Many Muslims come to Fuheis just to drink because they think of the Christians as the free and liberal people (which compared to many of the muslims here, they are).  While they're drunk, they start to cause problems with the unveiled girls.  Of course in a tightly nit town, this causes many problems that break out into fights.  This year, there were cops everywhere.  They stood at every street circle (which btw--the main form of control for merging roads in Jordan--I see very little traffic lights here) and at the entrances of churches.

Traditions carry on

In our wanderings, we ran across an Orthodox church that was holding its Christmas Eve service.  I eagerly entered the services.   The Orthodox and Catholic churches are the dominating denomination of Christianity in Jordan.  According to Wikipedia, Jordanian Christians are some of the oldest in the world.  Here I saw people of all likes all celebrating Christmas in the traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation.  I sat there and listened as the choir sang the traditions of old as the priest prayed for everyone (all in Latin or Greek--I'm not sure which).  People walked up one by one to light a candle for different prayers after they kiss the face of a saint and pressing their foreheads against the image.  Women walked in and instantly put their decorative vials on their heads.  The man siting in front of me was holding his sleeping son which made me think of the years of tradition that had been passed down in this community for over two thousand years.

After several minutes we departed the church in search for the nativity that Rojeh remembered visiting before.  After walking around in the cold for several minutes, we found the location but this year it had been replaced with two new buildings which blocked the view.  It was no longer decorated.  It was interesting to me the amount of influence that was choking out the old Christian traditions slowly.  Rojeh said that there use to be several Christian areas in Amman, but now, Fuheis is the last remaining one.  Even though it is known as a Christian community, it still has a far share of Muslims which has made an influence on the locals.  It's not a matter of a decrease of Christians in Jordan, but an incredible growth of Muslims in Jordan.  While Christians might have three to four children, Muslims will have five to fifteen.  This causes a quick overgrowth that is drowning out the Christian population.  But overall, there was still a spirit of joy and festivities.  Before the end of the night, we went to buy great Arab sweets and ate them as we watched the Christmas Carol that we bought at the mall before my apartment.

On Christmas Day, I still hadn't bought Rojeh's Christmas present.  If I were in the States, it would have been too late to buy a present because all stores are closed on Christmas Day, but here, the holidays are the main days for younger people to go shopping.  I met up with one of my Jordanian girlfriends and went to our favorite mall with her and her siblings to search for Rojeh's present.  After a few hours her mother called her promptly to return home.  I bought Rojeh's gift and returned to my apartment because he had a Christmas party to attend with some of his male foreign friends.  I retired for the rest of the night to my apartment watching Christmas movies while laying in my warm bed.

For all of my family, I'm sorry that I didn't call you yesterday.  I didn't have internet connection, but I pray that you had a wonderful Christmas and that there was warmth in your hearts.

Additional Resources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuhais

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordanian_Christians

Tearing Down My Walls

This weekend was great.  I spent too much money and was finally able to see through my own emotions.  When I first came to Jordan, I was very lonely.  Although during the first 2 weeks I was surrounded by a Jordanian family, I didn’t know them and we had a hard time communicating.  I cried a lot during the first two weeks.  But then I was determined to make friends and to adjust to my surroundings.  As those who have fallowed my blog know, things moved so quickly and I was constantly adjusting to situations and doing what I had to do to get by. 

This weekend as I went shopping, I found some presents to send back home and I realized that in order for my presents to get home in time for Christmas, I need to send them this week.  So I bought these presents and started to plan on how I could send them.  Once I got home, I organized everything and then it finally struck me that I wouldn’t be going home for Christmas.  It started to bring everything into reality.  I sat there and realized that for the first Christmas in my life, I wouldn’t be with my family.  I wouldn’t get to go home.  Rojeh, my boyfriend, walked in and saw the tears in my eyes and tried to comfort me.  We had already planned to have Christmas between the two of us and he even brought me a Christmas tree but I know it won’t be the same as seeing all the people that I’ve known and loved my whole life.

Afterwards we went to our neighbor’s/friend’s house and I just wanted to watch TV as Rojeh and our friend talked, but then our friend started to talk about me.  He said that I was very strong.  I came all the way from a different country, over 12 hours away by plane, with no friends and no family.  Whenever you leave a country to go to another, like I did and like he did when he moved to the US twenty years ago, you have to start all over.  You leave everything and have to start working up from the bottom.  He said that he expects to see me on the TV someday working for the embassy or something.  He told Rojeh that he was all that I had.  That Rojeh is everything for me here.  I didn’t want to hear it because it is true.  Every time I go home to my apartment, I feel trapped by my daily handicaps from being a foreign girl in the Middle East that doesn’t speak Arabic.  I know that to leave home alone will be another struggle to explain what I want and what I need.  Sometimes it feels easier to just stay home.

I think after having to struggle for so long, you just get numb to everything and you do what is necessary in order to get by and to try to get ahead.  I feel like I’ve been here for two months and I have been a spectator in both of them.  I watch the people and I do what I need to survive.  I make friends just to quench the ache of loneliness.  Much of my life here has been internal filled with prayer and inward thoughts.  So often Rojeh ask me why I’m quiet and what I’m thinking about and I just rely “To much.”  I think about politics, public opinion, tradition, human conditions, money, and also my future, but I did very little living.  I’ve made very little real connections with people and I only have one person who I feel like I can be completely honest with here.  Most of the foreigners here are focused knowing that their time here will soon be over, but I think it’s different for me because I know that I will be here in the future. 

Before I came here, I was afraid that the Middle East wouldn’t be everything that I wanted to it to be.  Once I got here I wasn’t dissatisfied.  To me it was just different people in a different part of the world.  In the end, we are all people.  The more I learn and observe, I have felt my passion for this part of the world and dreams to help improve life here grow.  My goals for my own life have only become stronger and I know that my life will never be satisfied if I don’t make a difference here.  There is so much need around me—I have to make a difference.  With that in mind, I know that I can’t just be a numb foreigner here just as a tourist being a spectator, but eventually I will have to start accepting part of my identity as being connected to the people here.  I need to learn how to be comfortable here and how to just live life here.  I know that part of that will come once I become stronger in the language, but overall, I need to start actually making a life here because I know I will be returning. 

At least for the first month that I was here, I had dreams night after night where I was back at home and I would wake up and have to remember where I was.  It was always in shock when I remembered that I was in Jordan.  I think that is part of what made it so hard to be here in the beginning.  Now I have dreams about parts of my life that I miss, like silly enough, my cat.  I know eventually I will be able to create something solid once I finish my undergraduates’ degree and start working, but it makes things hard.  When I was home I didn’t want anything to be solid because I know I would be leaving, now that I’m here I just think about how I can’t get to solid here because I’ll be leaving.

 We went to the Rabad Castle in Ajloin (northern Jordan) this past weekend and we got there just in time for them to close.  Thanks to true Arab arguing, we were able to get in for free and we were convinced that I’m a Jordanian.  As I was looking over the mountainsides off the top of the castle, I felt like I was not only looking at the countryside, but at a nation, a people, and a cause.  Afterwards we then went into town to wait for someone else to need a ride to Amman and we just drove around the town and I got to see the people.  Of course, people in a city and in a village are completely different, but they strengthened my passion.  I guess we all need those moments that drive us forward.  That one was just one more of mine.

الثقافة Culture

Malaysian girl touring the Roman Ruins

I went to a job interview last month and once I finished I went to the corner restaurant for lunch before I had to go to work.  As I set and waited for whatever it was that I had ordered without knowing, I watched as students walked home from school.  There were so many girls who were dressed in a hunter green, white, and beige uniform.  They were all just chattering with their girlfriends and regardless of their matching hijabs, all their personalities came through clearly.  There were shy girls and outspoken girls, fun girls and scared girls.  Their personalities reminded me of home and how all of my friend and I acted back in school.  But as I thought about my history and their current situation, I thought about how these girls have no idea of a world beyond their own.  All they have ever know are wrapped women and a lack of interaction with boys, and all we knew was that everyone was allowed to be our friend, including the boys if we ever gave the gross boys a chance, and that our hair should be fixed neatly in a ponytail everyday.

I went to class that day and vented at my class of young men.  Honestly, only one boy in the class could understand me, but I still wanted my thoughts to be heard.  He is planning to go to Malaysia to study Telecommunications or something like that.  Another in the classes is planning to go to Australia to study nursing, and the last wants to just stay in Jordan and get married soon.  The last one got the most rant from me but I told them all that we need to experience other cultures so that we can grow as people.

Adam Awwami-  Saudi in USA

Studying other cultures isn't just about learning how to manage others to make profit.  If that were the case, then yes, why would the majority every consider learning about others?  We need to learn about other cultures because it teaches us how to be a better person.  Ever culture has something to teach us.  As Adam Awwami says, "We take the best of both cultures."  We can take the good of both and grow from them, then leave the bad behind.  The more we learn and experience the better we will become.  Some of the wisest people in the world are the most cultured.

International Fulbrights at a Native American performance

So often I get frustrated at my own community for not acknowledging a world beyond their own, but it's not just Americans who do that.  People all over the world choose to stay where they are most comfortable and simply stare at and judge other cultures.  I feel like at some point we decide to stop learning and to stop growing.  We decided that where we are is where we should always be, and that there is no need for any change.  I protest this type of thinking.  We as humans should always be growing and evolving for the better.  The world has so much to teach us and it is yelling out at us everyday as we turn on the news.  The world as a whole has so much growth to make and through cultural exchange I believe it will grow.

This is why I study culture and religion.  This is why I think that we need know other cultures beyond our own.  

Learning about other cultures will help us grow as a person and as a community.

Small Business

I'm certified to teach English so just as much as my housing situation has been unstable, so has my job situation.  Shortly after I got here I applied for a job at a center that teaches English and I got the job.  I get paid 300 JD a month and they told me that I would work any time between 2 and 8pm--depending on classes.  After I accepted the job, they gave me 22.5 hours of teaching.  I was shocked by how much I was expected to teach.  Slowly as the weeks went by, I got more and more classes.  Now I'm up to teaching 4.5 hours a day, 6 days a week.  Frankly, it's ridiculous.  That's in-class teaching time, not including pre-class preparation time.  Basically since I started working, I haven't had the time that I need to study Arabic.  I'm still doing fine in the class, but I have a test on tomorrow and I have to teach 4.5 hours today.  Usually after I teach all three of my classes, I'm so exhausted that I don't want to do anything but sleep.  I pray that God gives me the grace to be alert and awake tonight to do well in my studies.

Very unflattering picture of me, but it's me in the classroom.

I have looked at several other teaching opportunities and they all tell me the same-they're taking advantage of me.  24 hours a week for a full time teacher is even too much.  It's too hard to keep track of everything.  I teach 8 individual classes.  One interview that I had said that she was sorry that I had that horrible experience, but instantly after she said it, I told her that even though it's completely exhausting, it has exposed a side of culture to me that I would have never seen if I didn't take the job.

The professional situation here in Jordan is so different from American.  In American, a full time job is only 8-5, 5 days a week.  We have workers' laws that prevent abuse of workers, but here there are no such laws.  People work all the time.  They work for money (which on average is only 300JD a month [~$450] and they work to have something to do.  The professional situation is so less organized.  I was called one day and had my interview the next day.  Then I had to decide if I wanted the job at the interview.  When jobs are posted, they don't tell you everything until the time of the interview, then it forces you to be instant in your choices not allowing any time to think or pray about anything.  The girl who was interviewing me told me that she promised herself that she would never work for a non-American again after her similar experience.  Although my reaction to the situation is different then hers, I completely understand.  This is the time where we would say, "Welcome to Jordan."  It's an experience that wasn't very positive, but honestly has taught me so much about small business in Jordan.  It has also given me knowledge about the different English test that I can now teach anywhere.