Finding Balance--Externally

I have talked before about finding balance in the expectations of oneself while in a Middle Eastern country.  Being a western female here, you feel like raw meat on display--but you get even more attention than the butcher shops do here.  Today a friend and I went for a walk and we were told about two older gentlemen who completely turned around in their step to watch us walk pass them.  It takes "turning heads" in a completely different level but unfortunately not in a respectful one.  First as I wrote about before, it was hard to understand how I was suppose to see myself and allow other to see me, but now my balance have altered from an inward measurement to an outward one.  I struggle now with what should be the appropriate expectations that I should have toward the culture that surrounds me.

If you look closely, you will see a cross of an Orthodox Church and the Crescent Moon of a Mosque.

This is something that I have been observing for several months.  At first, it is so easy to "vent" to your westerner girlfriends about the problems we face here, but eventually the "venting" never stops.  Anytime you get westerners together, especially girls, the conversation will become about the negative aspects of this culture.  We will talk on and on about the lack of self-control we find in men and the complete control we find over women.  When talking to locals at times I have to simply walk away before I take out all of my frustration from the culture on one person.  When men share with me their idea of who and what women would be, my empowered spirit within me raises up.  When I hear a Muslim decides to show now tolerance towards another faith, my spirit roars within me.  When I finally acknowledge that it's not just men who confine women, but instead a shared mindset that both men and women share, my spirit quivers.  I never want to be the person whose eyes are too narrow to see the truth that is placed before me or too focused on the focal point to see all the details that make up the picture.  We all see life differently.  If I try to force my view point on those around me, or simply substitute the way women here actually think with the way I think they should perceive life, I am no better than those who make me feel guilty for not covering my hair or for wearing tight clothing.

A normal day wearing the Nacab

It's easy to get overwhelmed with the bluntly obvious problems.  It's even easier to over generalize all the people from this culture and simply clam up where you do not see anything else.  So many foreigners that I meet here do just that.  They see the bluntly obvious things and they are never able to really move on from them.  They learn how to make their lives as comfortable as possible here and they just look at the rest of the people through their colored lenses comforted in the idea that they have it all figured out.  If I allow myself to eventually stop trying to learn from those around me and simply categorize the experience that I have had here as another entry in my mind, then I feel like I will have become the thing that I have always run away from.  I want to build understanding and cultural exchange--not allow myself and others to simply put other cultures on the shelf and say, "That one's nice" or "I don't like that one" or "Of course I know how women there think!  They think just like I do!  I'm a women."

I do not mean to say that the blinding light should be ignored.  It can never be ignored, but I refuse to allow myself to to stare at it mindlessly.  Just like a car driving past you at night with its bright lights on, you should always acknowledge that it's there, but not focus on it.  Look for the smaller lights that are trying to shine and work towards them.  If you go towards the blinding light, there will be no compromise or understanding, only a crash.  In a none metaphoric way: I remind myself to not just look at the people who speak only out of their culture, but try to search out one people here that are good and true.  This doesn't mean that the negative aspects of the culture aren't bluntly obvious--they are--or that we shouldn't acknowledge them acting like the don't exist.  Instead, we should inspire the good qualities that we find in people here.  We should encourage them to rise above the struggles that they face and perhaps one day they might even raise above the mindsets we find so appalling.

Culture being passed on at a Christmas Eve service.

People are undoubtably formed by their community.  Our culture is instilled in us from the earliest age.  We are taught when to say please, how to wash ourselves, how to share, what to think of others, how to treat women, and how to treat the outside world.  Our community has such a huge affect on us and we will never be able to escape it.  With every person I meet here, I need to acknowledge that their culture in ingrained in them to the deepest core.  Every person--but instead of looking at this core and shunning it, I feel like I should aways remember be constantly trying to pull out the good qualities that I see.  I should be culturally sensitive when we don't agree--not allow our disagreements to make us stop the way of communication between us.

I am reminded of a Muslim friend that I had back at home.  He and I never saw religion the same way and it would constantly come up in even the simplest of conversations.  Regardless of our constant arguments, the spirit inside of me pushed me on to continue our friendship in order to--even in the smallest measure--build a bridge.  I cannot control what other decide to make un-alterable, but I perceive that with enough time and enough trust, even the unalterable things might become a matter of discussion.  I do not set out to convert the whole world.  Just before I die, I would love to see some of these strongholds between our cultures start to tare down.  The Berlin Wall eventually fell.  The Great Wall of China has been taken down in many places.  Just like a physical wound, it takes a lot of time to completely recover.  It takes time and time again of treatment with small improvements and often set backs, but eventually, it can heal.