Christmas in Jordan عيد الميلاد في ألأردن

Those of you who read my last post know that approaching the Christmas season in Jordan was especially hard for me as it is for all people who are away from their families.  All the Americans that I knew here who are Christians returned to the States to be with their families, but going home wasn't an option for me.  So many times going up to Christmas I had dreams of going home for the holidays then wondering how I was suppose to get back to Jordan.  But as I told so many of the closest people in my life, I know that being here is only the beginning for me.

This Christmas I basically only had my boyfriend, Rojeh, to celebrate with.  He is a Jordanian Christian but although his family has always put a Christmas tree, they never really celebrated like he grew up watching on TV.  I decided to try to make it the best Christmas for his sack as well as for my own.  

Here in Jordan, the only place that you can tell it's Christmas is in the international stores in the malls which send decorations to their Jordanian branches.  The university did give usa day off of school, but only one, and I have a test on Sunday so Christmas celebration was pushed back into the back of my mind.  Most of our friends who are still here in Jordan are either Muslims who don't really celebrate Christmas or foreigners who celebrated with their visiting family or with their close group of friends.  

Amman International Church

We went to a Christmas Concert in one of the 5 star motels in Jordan the Thursday before Christmas.  It was put on by the music academy Blue Birds which is owned by foreign Christians.  All of the performances were by a collection of foreign Christians.  It was the second concert of their that we had attended and honestly, their concerts always remind me of home.  They have such a loving spirit about them, but they always have the freedom in music which allows you to dance, sing, and have fun--something that I have missed the most when it comes to culture.  Then on Christmas Eve, we attended the Amman International Church's Christmas Eve service.  This church is composed of English speaking foreigners from all over the world who are living in Amman.  It meets in the Baptist School here in Amman and brings the central US church right here to Jordan.  This service was especially full.  It was such a blessing to see that I wasn't the only one celebrating Christmas in a foreign Islamic country.  We sang all the traditional Christmas songs and had a message about being like the shepherds that answered the call of the angels to visit the Christ Lord Jesus in Bethlehem that night.

After service, Rojeh and I went to the Christian town of Fuheis (الفحيص) which is located just outside of Amman.  Once we got to Fuheis, I could feel a completely different spirit.  We got off of the bus at the main circle in Fuheis and I saw people ringing bells and celebrating the Christmas spirit.  Instead of the Muslim call to prayer, there was the churches' bells and prayers filling the air.  There were people dressed up in Santa suites, as well as other costumes.  Even children were dressed up in Christmas costumes as they walked the streets with their parents.  Whenever they got to Santa Clause,  they took pictures and walked on merrily as the children has a hug smile on their face.  Santas were ringing bells, hanging out of the car door as the driver drove down the road honking his horn.    So many of the stores were covered with Christmas spirit and many of them even had nothing but Christmas decorations inside of them.  As we looked over the city, we could see multiple homes covered with decorative lights.  All of the traffic circles were covered with decorations--trees, tensile, lights, and even pictures of the candidates for the 2013 elections.  

One of the circles just up the hill from the church (cops to the left and St. George on the top)

The moment I got off of the bus, the first thing I noticed was the large amount of police officers everywhere.  Before we came, we heard rumors of all the troubles in Fuheis.  Traditionally, they put up a huge Christmas tree at the main circle where we got dropped off.  This year, there was only a statue outlined with Christmas lights that said Fuheis in Arabic.  The city didn't put up the Christmas Tree this year because of all the problems with the Muslims coming to Fuheis.  Because it is a largely Christian town, there is many more alcoholic stories then their are in Amman.  Many Muslims come to Fuheis just to drink because they think of the Christians as the free and liberal people (which compared to many of the muslims here, they are).  While they're drunk, they start to cause problems with the unveiled girls.  Of course in a tightly nit town, this causes many problems that break out into fights.  This year, there were cops everywhere.  They stood at every street circle (which btw--the main form of control for merging roads in Jordan--I see very little traffic lights here) and at the entrances of churches.

Traditions carry on

In our wanderings, we ran across an Orthodox church that was holding its Christmas Eve service.  I eagerly entered the services.   The Orthodox and Catholic churches are the dominating denomination of Christianity in Jordan.  According to Wikipedia, Jordanian Christians are some of the oldest in the world.  Here I saw people of all likes all celebrating Christmas in the traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation.  I sat there and listened as the choir sang the traditions of old as the priest prayed for everyone (all in Latin or Greek--I'm not sure which).  People walked up one by one to light a candle for different prayers after they kiss the face of a saint and pressing their foreheads against the image.  Women walked in and instantly put their decorative vials on their heads.  The man siting in front of me was holding his sleeping son which made me think of the years of tradition that had been passed down in this community for over two thousand years.

After several minutes we departed the church in search for the nativity that Rojeh remembered visiting before.  After walking around in the cold for several minutes, we found the location but this year it had been replaced with two new buildings which blocked the view.  It was no longer decorated.  It was interesting to me the amount of influence that was choking out the old Christian traditions slowly.  Rojeh said that there use to be several Christian areas in Amman, but now, Fuheis is the last remaining one.  Even though it is known as a Christian community, it still has a far share of Muslims which has made an influence on the locals.  It's not a matter of a decrease of Christians in Jordan, but an incredible growth of Muslims in Jordan.  While Christians might have three to four children, Muslims will have five to fifteen.  This causes a quick overgrowth that is drowning out the Christian population.  But overall, there was still a spirit of joy and festivities.  Before the end of the night, we went to buy great Arab sweets and ate them as we watched the Christmas Carol that we bought at the mall before my apartment.

On Christmas Day, I still hadn't bought Rojeh's Christmas present.  If I were in the States, it would have been too late to buy a present because all stores are closed on Christmas Day, but here, the holidays are the main days for younger people to go shopping.  I met up with one of my Jordanian girlfriends and went to our favorite mall with her and her siblings to search for Rojeh's present.  After a few hours her mother called her promptly to return home.  I bought Rojeh's gift and returned to my apartment because he had a Christmas party to attend with some of his male foreign friends.  I retired for the rest of the night to my apartment watching Christmas movies while laying in my warm bed.

For all of my family, I'm sorry that I didn't call you yesterday.  I didn't have internet connection, but I pray that you had a wonderful Christmas and that there was warmth in your hearts.

Additional Resources:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuhais

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jordanian_Christians

Tearing Down My Walls

This weekend was great.  I spent too much money and was finally able to see through my own emotions.  When I first came to Jordan, I was very lonely.  Although during the first 2 weeks I was surrounded by a Jordanian family, I didn’t know them and we had a hard time communicating.  I cried a lot during the first two weeks.  But then I was determined to make friends and to adjust to my surroundings.  As those who have fallowed my blog know, things moved so quickly and I was constantly adjusting to situations and doing what I had to do to get by. 

This weekend as I went shopping, I found some presents to send back home and I realized that in order for my presents to get home in time for Christmas, I need to send them this week.  So I bought these presents and started to plan on how I could send them.  Once I got home, I organized everything and then it finally struck me that I wouldn’t be going home for Christmas.  It started to bring everything into reality.  I sat there and realized that for the first Christmas in my life, I wouldn’t be with my family.  I wouldn’t get to go home.  Rojeh, my boyfriend, walked in and saw the tears in my eyes and tried to comfort me.  We had already planned to have Christmas between the two of us and he even brought me a Christmas tree but I know it won’t be the same as seeing all the people that I’ve known and loved my whole life.

Afterwards we went to our neighbor’s/friend’s house and I just wanted to watch TV as Rojeh and our friend talked, but then our friend started to talk about me.  He said that I was very strong.  I came all the way from a different country, over 12 hours away by plane, with no friends and no family.  Whenever you leave a country to go to another, like I did and like he did when he moved to the US twenty years ago, you have to start all over.  You leave everything and have to start working up from the bottom.  He said that he expects to see me on the TV someday working for the embassy or something.  He told Rojeh that he was all that I had.  That Rojeh is everything for me here.  I didn’t want to hear it because it is true.  Every time I go home to my apartment, I feel trapped by my daily handicaps from being a foreign girl in the Middle East that doesn’t speak Arabic.  I know that to leave home alone will be another struggle to explain what I want and what I need.  Sometimes it feels easier to just stay home.

I think after having to struggle for so long, you just get numb to everything and you do what is necessary in order to get by and to try to get ahead.  I feel like I’ve been here for two months and I have been a spectator in both of them.  I watch the people and I do what I need to survive.  I make friends just to quench the ache of loneliness.  Much of my life here has been internal filled with prayer and inward thoughts.  So often Rojeh ask me why I’m quiet and what I’m thinking about and I just rely “To much.”  I think about politics, public opinion, tradition, human conditions, money, and also my future, but I did very little living.  I’ve made very little real connections with people and I only have one person who I feel like I can be completely honest with here.  Most of the foreigners here are focused knowing that their time here will soon be over, but I think it’s different for me because I know that I will be here in the future. 

Before I came here, I was afraid that the Middle East wouldn’t be everything that I wanted to it to be.  Once I got here I wasn’t dissatisfied.  To me it was just different people in a different part of the world.  In the end, we are all people.  The more I learn and observe, I have felt my passion for this part of the world and dreams to help improve life here grow.  My goals for my own life have only become stronger and I know that my life will never be satisfied if I don’t make a difference here.  There is so much need around me—I have to make a difference.  With that in mind, I know that I can’t just be a numb foreigner here just as a tourist being a spectator, but eventually I will have to start accepting part of my identity as being connected to the people here.  I need to learn how to be comfortable here and how to just live life here.  I know that part of that will come once I become stronger in the language, but overall, I need to start actually making a life here because I know I will be returning. 

At least for the first month that I was here, I had dreams night after night where I was back at home and I would wake up and have to remember where I was.  It was always in shock when I remembered that I was in Jordan.  I think that is part of what made it so hard to be here in the beginning.  Now I have dreams about parts of my life that I miss, like silly enough, my cat.  I know eventually I will be able to create something solid once I finish my undergraduates’ degree and start working, but it makes things hard.  When I was home I didn’t want anything to be solid because I know I would be leaving, now that I’m here I just think about how I can’t get to solid here because I’ll be leaving.

 We went to the Rabad Castle in Ajloin (northern Jordan) this past weekend and we got there just in time for them to close.  Thanks to true Arab arguing, we were able to get in for free and we were convinced that I’m a Jordanian.  As I was looking over the mountainsides off the top of the castle, I felt like I was not only looking at the countryside, but at a nation, a people, and a cause.  Afterwards we then went into town to wait for someone else to need a ride to Amman and we just drove around the town and I got to see the people.  Of course, people in a city and in a village are completely different, but they strengthened my passion.  I guess we all need those moments that drive us forward.  That one was just one more of mine.

الثقافة Culture

Malaysian girl touring the Roman Ruins

I went to a job interview last month and once I finished I went to the corner restaurant for lunch before I had to go to work.  As I set and waited for whatever it was that I had ordered without knowing, I watched as students walked home from school.  There were so many girls who were dressed in a hunter green, white, and beige uniform.  They were all just chattering with their girlfriends and regardless of their matching hijabs, all their personalities came through clearly.  There were shy girls and outspoken girls, fun girls and scared girls.  Their personalities reminded me of home and how all of my friend and I acted back in school.  But as I thought about my history and their current situation, I thought about how these girls have no idea of a world beyond their own.  All they have ever know are wrapped women and a lack of interaction with boys, and all we knew was that everyone was allowed to be our friend, including the boys if we ever gave the gross boys a chance, and that our hair should be fixed neatly in a ponytail everyday.

I went to class that day and vented at my class of young men.  Honestly, only one boy in the class could understand me, but I still wanted my thoughts to be heard.  He is planning to go to Malaysia to study Telecommunications or something like that.  Another in the classes is planning to go to Australia to study nursing, and the last wants to just stay in Jordan and get married soon.  The last one got the most rant from me but I told them all that we need to experience other cultures so that we can grow as people.

Adam Awwami-  Saudi in USA

Studying other cultures isn't just about learning how to manage others to make profit.  If that were the case, then yes, why would the majority every consider learning about others?  We need to learn about other cultures because it teaches us how to be a better person.  Ever culture has something to teach us.  As Adam Awwami says, "We take the best of both cultures."  We can take the good of both and grow from them, then leave the bad behind.  The more we learn and experience the better we will become.  Some of the wisest people in the world are the most cultured.

International Fulbrights at a Native American performance

So often I get frustrated at my own community for not acknowledging a world beyond their own, but it's not just Americans who do that.  People all over the world choose to stay where they are most comfortable and simply stare at and judge other cultures.  I feel like at some point we decide to stop learning and to stop growing.  We decided that where we are is where we should always be, and that there is no need for any change.  I protest this type of thinking.  We as humans should always be growing and evolving for the better.  The world has so much to teach us and it is yelling out at us everyday as we turn on the news.  The world as a whole has so much growth to make and through cultural exchange I believe it will grow.

This is why I study culture and religion.  This is why I think that we need know other cultures beyond our own.  

Learning about other cultures will help us grow as a person and as a community.

Small Business

I'm certified to teach English so just as much as my housing situation has been unstable, so has my job situation.  Shortly after I got here I applied for a job at a center that teaches English and I got the job.  I get paid 300 JD a month and they told me that I would work any time between 2 and 8pm--depending on classes.  After I accepted the job, they gave me 22.5 hours of teaching.  I was shocked by how much I was expected to teach.  Slowly as the weeks went by, I got more and more classes.  Now I'm up to teaching 4.5 hours a day, 6 days a week.  Frankly, it's ridiculous.  That's in-class teaching time, not including pre-class preparation time.  Basically since I started working, I haven't had the time that I need to study Arabic.  I'm still doing fine in the class, but I have a test on tomorrow and I have to teach 4.5 hours today.  Usually after I teach all three of my classes, I'm so exhausted that I don't want to do anything but sleep.  I pray that God gives me the grace to be alert and awake tonight to do well in my studies.

Very unflattering picture of me, but it's me in the classroom.

I have looked at several other teaching opportunities and they all tell me the same-they're taking advantage of me.  24 hours a week for a full time teacher is even too much.  It's too hard to keep track of everything.  I teach 8 individual classes.  One interview that I had said that she was sorry that I had that horrible experience, but instantly after she said it, I told her that even though it's completely exhausting, it has exposed a side of culture to me that I would have never seen if I didn't take the job.

The professional situation here in Jordan is so different from American.  In American, a full time job is only 8-5, 5 days a week.  We have workers' laws that prevent abuse of workers, but here there are no such laws.  People work all the time.  They work for money (which on average is only 300JD a month [~$450] and they work to have something to do.  The professional situation is so less organized.  I was called one day and had my interview the next day.  Then I had to decide if I wanted the job at the interview.  When jobs are posted, they don't tell you everything until the time of the interview, then it forces you to be instant in your choices not allowing any time to think or pray about anything.  The girl who was interviewing me told me that she promised herself that she would never work for a non-American again after her similar experience.  Although my reaction to the situation is different then hers, I completely understand.  This is the time where we would say, "Welcome to Jordan."  It's an experience that wasn't very positive, but honestly has taught me so much about small business in Jordan.  It has also given me knowledge about the different English test that I can now teach anywhere.

Being a Woman in Jordan

Before reading, please remember that with time I will understand more and more about this topic and I look forward to revisiting this topic at a later date, but for right now, this is what I see.

To put it frankly, it's easier to be a man in the Middle East than to be a women--especially a western woman.  Thankfully, I look enough like an Arab, that most people here would swear that I have some Arab blood in me.  They usually think that I'm Lebanese.  Because of that, if I act the role of an Arab women, then I can get away with not being seen as a foreigner.

In the Middle East girls and boys are separated since the very beginning.  Although you can find schools were boys and girls are taught together, the majority of the schools are segregated.  This tradition has some roots in Islam, but it has developed into its own culture that we see between the genders today.  On any typical day, I leave my home and walk across the street to go to class, and every guy is looking at me.  Its not because I'm strange; it's simply because I'm a women.  The guys here stare at every woman.  Even the women who are completely covered.  It's common for the men here and they fill no shame in it.  One of my Polish friends said, "It's like you're a supermodel on the catwalk just because you are a girl."  Another friend said that in the Middle East, if you're a woman you feel attractive, even if you're not.  Boys on the other hand only have their mothers and wives to tell them that they are attractive.

During the day time most of the boys are pretty conservative.  If a group of guys pass me by they might make a commit or two, but it's usually not bad.  Night time is completely different.  The average Arab girl is required to return home to her family by six o'clock.  From there, she can go out with her family to the mall or whatever, but it is not expected that she goes out with friends alone after dark.  So whenever boys see a girl on the streets in the evenings, something within them changes.  Then I can expect for every guy to be staring at me and that several of them will make comments.  Drivers will honk their horns, guys will yell out of their car windows, guys will say things as they pass by.  I have never seen a man touch a women, but comments are expected.

Although western lenses see it as disrespect, the value put on women here is admirable.  The worse thing that you could do is bring dishonor to a woman.  That is the leading reason why there are such high expectations on a woman.  I once heard that for a woman, she can only go down in social standing.  Therefore, families protect their daughters as much as they can so that their reputation does not decrease.  This is one reason that Arabs like to marry their daughter off earlier in life--so that they have less time to ruin their reputation.  The reputation of the women has everything to do with what type of husband she will marry.  In Jordan, traditionally, there is no dating.  When a man wants to get married, he ask his mother to go find a wife for him.  He will then ask around to find out about the reputation of the girl, and then if she is found worthy, his father will purpose to her on his son's behalf.  She then has three days to make a decision to accept his proposal.  This is when she looks into the reputation of the man, but usually, the deciding factor for the girl is if she likes his family or not, especially his sisters and mother.  After that, if everything is found suitable, the couple will get engaged typically for a year before they will get married.  During that time they decide if they really like each other or each other's families and then they get married.  Although, if  a woman does not have a good reputation in the first place, than she won't even be purposed to by a good man.  Because of this, young women are highly critiqued.

Arab families want to know exactly who their daughters are friends with and where they are going.  They want to keep their daughters as pure as possible.  This has created a mass of masked girls (which by this statement, I don't mean to reference the hijab or head covering, because that is a completely different topic; instead, I reference personality and inward beauty instead of physical appearances).
That is not to say that women don't have their impact on the community.  There are plenty of women who have made a difference in Jordan, but culturally there will always be this ideal that women are suppose to live up to.  One day I was thinking about where my role would be if I lived in Jordan premaritally, and I had the idea that if I were a diplomate, I would be respected just like any other person in power, but once I was on the street, I would be expected to uphold this ideal that has been set for me.  If I do anything less then I am considered an immoral women.

I live in one of the more conservative parts of town and I have noticed a shift in attitudes whenever I moved to the richer regions.  In less consecrative regions I find that women are allowed to freely spend time with friends and even show their legs.  Women were allowed to be more open and I think that in more liberal communities women are not expected as much to uphold this ideal image, but it has not completely disappeared.  The attitude of single men in the richer areas did not change.  They still yell out at girls and say things to them.

A Demand for English

In Jordan there is a high demand for English.  If someone wants to have a good job, they have to speak English.  If they want to have a job that entails traveling, then they need to know English.  If they want to get their master's degree, even if they're studying in the Middle East, many colleges require that they know English.  If they don't know english, it usually means that they will stay in one place working a moderate job for the rest of their lives.  Therefore, everyone that I meet wants to learn from me.  Of course, when learning a language, you want to talk to a native speakers because they know all the rules.  This makes me even more valuable as compared to my polish friends who know English, but don't know it as a first language.  Just as well, I have found that people prefer to study English with someone who is of an Arab decent, because they feel that they are getting cheated by learning English from an Arab.  All of this has set me in a high demand here in Amman.

Books for all my different English classes...

When I first got here I signed up for a language partner, since then, I have had three people contact me, wanting to meet with me everyday to learn English.  I started teaching English at an academy, and my students have been asking me if we could have more time in class, if we can meet up after class, and what I can do to help them learn English.  Honestly, 3 hours in class a week is not enough to learn a language.  I know that and that's why I'm here, but I have found such a demand on my time to teach people English, that it feels like a challenge to be able to have time just to study Arabic.  I try to express to my employer my concerns for my students, but they just tell me that the students signed up for the class, so just teach your class and don't worry about it.  My students are at so many different levels it's hard to teach them.  How can I teach them if one student will learn more by me speaking faster and with larger words, while others don't understand me even if I'm speaking slow.  I want them all to learn, but I feel like I just can't teach everyone.  I can't poor out all of myself.  Then, when I get together to actually work on Arabic, I'm exhausted and my brain just wants to rest.

I feel horrible because I want to tell my students or my language partners that they should just go to a language institute in the States.  There they will have the time in class that they need.  I know for me, I know having Arabic 1.5-3 hours a day has been wonderful!  I can study outside of class and have the constant review in class, plus I'm not too busy where I feel overwhelmed, so I just simply learn.  It's amazing and one of the best ways to learn.  At a language institute, the people there are getting paid to spend time with you to teach you.  The time is set aside to teach you where you can actually learn.  I just feel horrible, because I want to help my students and I want them to learn.  I want them to have all the opportunities that they can possibly get, but I also need balance.

I just pray for balance and guidance.

Change of Residency

Some of you may or may not have heard, but this last week I have had to quickly change where I was residing.

Before I came to Jordan I found a family that wanted to host a girl who could help teach their children English.  Once I arrived to Amman I was able to call one of my host sisters and she told the taxi driver exactly where to go.  It was so simple.  I got to their house completely exhausted from the trip, but my mind was racing in circles.  Slowly as the whole family came home, I got to meet all six children as well as the mother and father.  They are a very beautiful family.  I had a wonderful time trying to teach them English and a very challenging time trying to understand their Arabic.   It was great for me to be completely surrounded by Arabic all the time and I was given the rare opportunity for a foreigner to see the inside day-to-day life of a local family.  I quickly grew in love with several members of the family including their youngest son, Laith, who I tutored in English at least every-other night.  

On Friday, financial circumstances changed for me unexpectedly and I decided to see if I could find a place there I could move to that would be cheaper for me.  That way I wouldn't have to pay for a taxi everyday.   Honestly I was stuck in the middle trying to decided if I really wanted to move from this wonderful Jordanian family what would help me with my spoken Arabic, or if I wanted to move closer to campus where I could walk to campus, but be surrounded by foreigners.  Suddenly on Monday, I was informed that circumstances changed on the family's end where I could no longer stay with them.  They told me that I could stay at their house until I found an other place to stay.

In the mean while, the first ten days that I was in Jordan, the only people I knew were my host family.  We were extremely limited in our communication which made me very lonely.  I am an extremely social person, so not being able to connect with people was extremely difficult.  Any of my friends who I was able to talk to during that time would testify to that.  On Saturday I got tired of being alone, so I decided that the next day at school, I would make friends--and I did.

On Sunday after class I invited a girl to go eat lunch with me and I over heard some other students asking what they should do.  I said, "You should go eat with us!"  One of the girls quickly replied, "Okay."  At the language center, most of the students are only there to study Arabic so we have a lot of extra time.  Just as well, most of us came alone or with a only a few other people so we were all excited to meet new people.   We had a rather large group at lunch that day.  We all shared our different stories and exchanged phone numbers.  One of the guys at the table was going to be meeting up with his language exchange partner/friend so Ronia (American from Maryland who comes from Jordanian parents) and I went with him.  There we met Rojeh, who has been a complete life saver for me!  Afterwards, the four of us hung out the entire evening, and basically everyday since.  

The next day after I made these new friends, I was informed that I couldn't stay with my host family any more.  Rojeh did a great job at helping me find a place to live and the both Rojeh and Ronia were amazing at helping me figure everything out.  I feel so blessed to have such good friends who cared about me so much in such a short amount of time.  We found a place very close to the gate that I always use.  It makes it really easy for me to get on campus.  I have my own room and I have a TV that I can watch Arab shows on so that my ears to be hearing Arabic.  Honestly it's nice to have a place where I can get away from everything.  My room is like a safe haven from the rest of the world.  Whenever it the world just becomes so much, I know know that I have a place where I can go and get away from everything--a place that is simply mine.

I moved out of my host family's house on Tuesday night (the day after I was informed that I had to leave).  Rojeh went with me in the taxi to hold it while I was packing my stuff.  He wound up having to get another one, but by the time I was packed and ready he was back with one.  I quickly throw everything into my suite cases because I couldn't take to long.  Laith looked at me and asked me what I was doing.  I told him that I had to go.  He asked when.  When I told him that night, he looked like he wanted to cry.  He had told his sister only the day after I arrived that he already loved me.  Neveen (the 2nd daughter) told me to call her whenever I wanted to get together and that we could still hang out.  My host mom came into the room and I gave her the watch that I hadn't been able to give to the father yet.  I brought gifts for all of them from America and I never got the perfect opportunity give it to him.  The mom walked back into the room with a brown bag, a bottle of perfume, and a small key chain of the Kaba for me.  It was so sweet!  I wanted to cry!

I brought all of my stuff to my new place and gathered some stuff to stay the night with Ronia.  I didn't want to be alone that night.  The next night I stayed at my place alone.  It was actually really nice.  I rearranged my furniture and put the two beds together.  When I woke up the next morning I had a great sense of peace about it.  Sometimes things have to change unexpectedly, but I know that it will all work out for the better.  This was a major expense that I was not expecting, but in the end I think it's for the best.  Now I have a place to go and restore myself and to reflect on everything that I am learning.  As I work more and more on my room, I expect I will like how it turns out and it will become my new home.