Being a Woman in Jordan

Before reading, please remember that with time I will understand more and more about this topic and I look forward to revisiting this topic at a later date, but for right now, this is what I see.

To put it frankly, it's easier to be a man in the Middle East than to be a women--especially a western woman.  Thankfully, I look enough like an Arab, that most people here would swear that I have some Arab blood in me.  They usually think that I'm Lebanese.  Because of that, if I act the role of an Arab women, then I can get away with not being seen as a foreigner.

In the Middle East girls and boys are separated since the very beginning.  Although you can find schools were boys and girls are taught together, the majority of the schools are segregated.  This tradition has some roots in Islam, but it has developed into its own culture that we see between the genders today.  On any typical day, I leave my home and walk across the street to go to class, and every guy is looking at me.  Its not because I'm strange; it's simply because I'm a women.  The guys here stare at every woman.  Even the women who are completely covered.  It's common for the men here and they fill no shame in it.  One of my Polish friends said, "It's like you're a supermodel on the catwalk just because you are a girl."  Another friend said that in the Middle East, if you're a woman you feel attractive, even if you're not.  Boys on the other hand only have their mothers and wives to tell them that they are attractive.

During the day time most of the boys are pretty conservative.  If a group of guys pass me by they might make a commit or two, but it's usually not bad.  Night time is completely different.  The average Arab girl is required to return home to her family by six o'clock.  From there, she can go out with her family to the mall or whatever, but it is not expected that she goes out with friends alone after dark.  So whenever boys see a girl on the streets in the evenings, something within them changes.  Then I can expect for every guy to be staring at me and that several of them will make comments.  Drivers will honk their horns, guys will yell out of their car windows, guys will say things as they pass by.  I have never seen a man touch a women, but comments are expected.

Although western lenses see it as disrespect, the value put on women here is admirable.  The worse thing that you could do is bring dishonor to a woman.  That is the leading reason why there are such high expectations on a woman.  I once heard that for a woman, she can only go down in social standing.  Therefore, families protect their daughters as much as they can so that their reputation does not decrease.  This is one reason that Arabs like to marry their daughter off earlier in life--so that they have less time to ruin their reputation.  The reputation of the women has everything to do with what type of husband she will marry.  In Jordan, traditionally, there is no dating.  When a man wants to get married, he ask his mother to go find a wife for him.  He will then ask around to find out about the reputation of the girl, and then if she is found worthy, his father will purpose to her on his son's behalf.  She then has three days to make a decision to accept his proposal.  This is when she looks into the reputation of the man, but usually, the deciding factor for the girl is if she likes his family or not, especially his sisters and mother.  After that, if everything is found suitable, the couple will get engaged typically for a year before they will get married.  During that time they decide if they really like each other or each other's families and then they get married.  Although, if  a woman does not have a good reputation in the first place, than she won't even be purposed to by a good man.  Because of this, young women are highly critiqued.

Arab families want to know exactly who their daughters are friends with and where they are going.  They want to keep their daughters as pure as possible.  This has created a mass of masked girls (which by this statement, I don't mean to reference the hijab or head covering, because that is a completely different topic; instead, I reference personality and inward beauty instead of physical appearances).
That is not to say that women don't have their impact on the community.  There are plenty of women who have made a difference in Jordan, but culturally there will always be this ideal that women are suppose to live up to.  One day I was thinking about where my role would be if I lived in Jordan premaritally, and I had the idea that if I were a diplomate, I would be respected just like any other person in power, but once I was on the street, I would be expected to uphold this ideal that has been set for me.  If I do anything less then I am considered an immoral women.

I live in one of the more conservative parts of town and I have noticed a shift in attitudes whenever I moved to the richer regions.  In less consecrative regions I find that women are allowed to freely spend time with friends and even show their legs.  Women were allowed to be more open and I think that in more liberal communities women are not expected as much to uphold this ideal image, but it has not completely disappeared.  The attitude of single men in the richer areas did not change.  They still yell out at girls and say things to them.